“Who am I?”

Random yoga assignment… “write a paper on who you are” which I am refusing to do. I don’t think I should have to define myself to someone who isn’t going to take the time to get to know me them self. Not to mention, can we say middle school?? But.. I can’t not do the assignment either, so here’s what I came up with– inspired by the song “Vanilla Twilight” by Owl City.

 

She sighed as she leaned back on the trestle. The wood was warm from the sun still, but the metal of the railway ties was already getting the cold clammy chill that pervaded the night air. The waterfall rushed loudly beneath, and the trickle of the water beneath the bridge calmed her. The air had a different quality here; it was irreplaceable. Despite the rushing cars on the bridge nearby that crossed the river this was the best place to be after an argument. Twilight had just set in, and she swung her bare legs in the darkening air. She lifted her head and looked up at the stars, impulsively blowing a kiss to one.

 
The stars made her feel so alone; there were so many in the clear night sky, all together, while she sat on the trestle in the midst of the city, so alone. Where was he? Would she always be a hopeless romantic, sitting by herself and wishing that the sky was closer? She looked down at her hands where they grasped the solidity of wood and her heart sunk, seeing the emptiness of her fingers. Not too long ago those fingers had held other fingers, lying here, under the starry sky between the tracks and making up new constellations. Suddenly chillier, she sighed and laid back between the tracks, remembering.

 
The homecoming dance had been a drag– the stuck up popular kids had gotten to choose all of the music- since they organized it- and there had been nothing worth dancing to unless you liked “saving a horse and riding a cowboy.” So we had escaped, and walked here. The night had been chilly and I had to hike my dress up so it wouldn’t snag on the ties. He had laid his jacket down between the train tracks and laid down, and beckoned me into his arms.

 
We laid there until the vanilla twilight of sunrise came, and wished the stars goodbye, a moment that I would never forget. His hand held mine, and it seemed like the spaces between my fingers had always been intended for his. The sounds of his whispers in my ears were crisp against the silence of the river, and the heat of his body against mine warmed my soul.

 
I wonder if he is missing me too right now, she thought to herself, looking up at the sky once more. Somehow when she thought of him she didn’t feel so alone, yet when she stopped remembering and came back to the moment, it was even worse. If only she could forget. She sighed and stood, looking out over the scenic view below her, and then moved on. It was time to go home, sit on the porch, and light a cigarette.

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